Building Character Over Criticisms

Parenting Skills - Word to avoid

 "You're so lazy!" "Why are you so stupid!?"You'll never amount to anything!" "

Parents, do you get frustrated with your kids? Are you out of patience?
Raising kids is difficult. It's a full time job. It's so easy to feel frustrated. It's too easy to criticize.
Yet, when you put your kids down, there are consequences. If you yell, "Get out of here! Stop annoying me," dont', be surprised about the results.

Parenting Skill -Pretend it is you being criticized:

• Hear your parent's tone. What do you hear?
• Look at your parent's face. What do you see?
• Experience your feelings. What do you feel?

Would you to want to please your parent if you were constantly criticized? Would you comply or rebel?
Parents, negative words have consequences. They tear tear down your child's self-esteem. They set the stage for your child's future too.

Parenting Traps - Avoid causing these results in your kids:

• Feeling shame, pain, and anger.
• Avoiding you for fear of more criticism.
• Believing what you say.
• Feeling worth less.
• Rebelling.

Criticisms goes beyond your words:

• Your child will repeat your criticisms inside his head.
• Your child will repeat your criticisms to his future kids.
• Your children's children will repeat your criticisms too.

Parenting Skills - Turning your criticisms into compliments:

Resolve to change. Choose to have a positive influence on your child. Practice patience and think before you speak. You can make these changes by:

1. Look at your reflection in the mirror when you criticize your child. Ask yourself, "Will my child remember my face?
2. Catch your child being good.
3. Give affirmations everyday.

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Parenting: Turning Fearful Kids into Confident Children

Parents, do your children love trying new things? Are they confident? Or do they hide under a blanket of fear?

Today we'll look at 5 common fears, a story, and a solution.

5 Common Fears

1. Kids fear failing so unless tasks are easy they give up.

2. Kids fear bugs so they jump and scream at the sight of them.

3. Kids fear they won't be liked so they avoid seeking out new friends.

4. Kids fear giving wrong answers in class so they keep quiet.

5. Kids fear what parents fear so they experience their parents' fears.

When kids are wrapped in a blanket of fear, like the boy in the story below, they need relief.

The Boy Who Feared Rejection

“Get up Kevin!” called his mom.

‘I can't go,' he thought. He pulled his covers tightly around his head.

“Kevin, get up now or you'll be late for your new school,” shouted his mother.

Kevin sunk deeper under the covers. “I'm not going,” he muttered.

Kevin remembered how the boys in his old school stuffed him in a locker. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered the names they called him – shrimp, shorty, and pimpleton the simpleton.

‘I can't stand being short and ugly. I'm not smart and I'm not good at anything,' he let his tears fall.

When Your Child Is Afraid

Many kids like Kevin experience fear. Not all have pimples. Not all are short. Not all are weak. But all are scared. They fear being rejected, hurt, and they fear the unknown. Let's find out how you can help.

The Fear Solution Scale

0----1-----2------3------4--------5-------6--------7-------8------9-----10

Little or No Fear = 3-0

Concern = 4-7

Fear = 8-10

Try This Fear Solution On Yourself First

If you understand how the Fear Solution works on yourself, you'll be better able to teach your child.

One thing you need to know, anxiety is a pervasive sense of fear. It's always ready to take charge if you let it.

Fear can be of one thing, like giving a book report. But fear doesn't persist in wrapping you in a blanket of anxiety about every little thing.

Think of a time when you gave into fear or anxiety. Close your eyes and feel it in the 8-10 range. Then bring it down to the 4-7 range or lower. Take your time.

When you've lowered it, write down the thoughts you had that brought it down. Chances are those thoughts were reasonable. Your reasonable mind is powerful. So is your child's mind.

How Parents Help Kids Change Anxiety and Fear to Concern

When your child is in a good mood, teach him the Fear Solution by drawing the scale. Explain to him that he can use this special method to control his fear and become a confident person.

Ask him to clearly visualize a time when he was afraid. Tell him it must be in the 8-10 range. When he has it, tell him to close his eyes and bring it down to the 4-7 range or lower. Give him all the time he needs.

When he has brought it down to concern or lower, ask him how he did it. He may say, “I don't know.” Ask him to guess. When he answers, let him know that feelings of fear come from the way we think. To change the fear we must change our thoughts.

Conclusion for the Fear Solution

A word of caution: If your child is more than fearful and has a strong tendency toward anxiety, realize that this is more difficult. After you've tried this method several times and still need some help, I suggest you have him evaluated by a trusted professional.

For most children the Fear Solution is an effective method. It teaches your child to feel the fear and bring it down to a reasonable range. If he consistently uses this method throughout his life, he'll be in control of his emotions, feel more comfortable throughout his life, and become a person others enjoy being around. 

Congratulate yourself because you taught him to face life without unnecessary fear. You taught him to be brave and build character too.

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Self-Esteem without Character: Avoid This Mistake with Your Kids

Raising kids with self-esteem and character is like polishing a diamond. These two ingredients reflect a light the world needs. When we raise kids with self-esteem and not character we create a self-indulgent monster.

The Mistake of Raising Kids with Self-Esteem and not Character

Young children need our attention, affection and care. Without loving adults their self-esteem suffers. But when we idolize our kids we create a monster without character. This is a big mistake!

How to Create a Self-Esteem Monster

1. Put your child's wants above everyone else's needs.

Let's say the family is hungry and dinner is ready. But your child wants to play a video game first. Will you let her?

2. Avoid the word, “No,” at all costs.

Imagine it's time to get ready for school but your child wants to sleep longer. Will you let him?

3. Lavish your child with gifts.

Imagine you're buying a birthday gift for your spouse. Your child runs to the toy department. She won't leave unless you buy her the toy she wants. Will you buy it?

4. Grant your child his every wish.

It's late and you're exhausted. You want to get ready for bed but your child insists on watching 2 more TV programs. Will you let him?

5. Accept sass and disrespect

.

Your child is throwing a tantrum and yelling, “I hate you.” Will you talk with him, give him your full attention, and encourage him to ‘let it all out?'

“Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized.” Albert Einstein

Children need love. But idolizing kids creates selfish children. If we teach our children to view themselves as all-important, we raise very short-sighted people. They see only themselves and what they want. This is not the kind of self-esteem we're hoping for.

How to Build Character

Children need limits. Limits help kids learn to consider others - the opposite of over-indulgence. Here are some examples:

1. Consider others' needs before your child's wants.
2. Say, “No,” when needed.
3. Avoid using gifts as bribes.
4. Have a child work for what he wants.
5. Cut off sass and disrespect immediately.

The Key to Blending Self-Esteem and Character

The key is love and limits. Hugs, kisses, and compliments can raise self-esteem. Setting limits and sticking to them helps children regulate themselves. Self-regulation helps kids do the right thing, give their best effort, and help others. These are ingredients for character.

A child with self-esteem and character loves himself, does his best, and helps others.

Your Parenting Action Step

Children love to trace their hands with pencils and crayons. Encourage your child to trace her hand 3 times. Cut each hand out and write a different affirmation from below on each hand. Tape them to the refrigerator. Every time she displays or says one of the 3 affirmations tell her,

“Go to the refrigerator and give yourself a high 5!”

1. “I love myself.”
2. “I can do it.”
3. “My hands are for helping.”

Conclusion for Building Building Self-Esteem with Character

These 3 positive thoughts will help her shine, influence her self-esteem, and enrich her character.

And one more thing, when it comes to self-esteem and character, don't raise one without the other.

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Parenting Tips

Parenting Tips

Parenting is not easy as many of you parents would have realized by now. These are some tips which will help to make the journey smoother and easier. These tips are not addressing a specific problem, they are just certain guidelines. These are general parenting tips which you can apply in your everyday life while bringing up the kids.

Give Unconditional Love

Firstly you must remember that your children are not going to remain young always. Your child would not remain a baby or a per-preschooler forever. Time flies so fast, that they will grow up soon. Hence, you should make the most of your child’s growing years. 

The childhood of your child is the time when you can spend maximum amount of time with your child and grow close to her. Once, they grow into teenagers and adults, they get so busy with their own lives. You should try to have as many as happy memories as possible of each age of your child from toddler to teenager. Let them know how much you love and that you will always love them. 

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

If any time, you feel irritated by your child’s demands or feel that your child is being difficult, put your self in their shoes for a moment. Try to think about the time when you were a child and felt the same way. If your child wants to stay in her friend’s house and you do not want to allow her, think about it from your child’s point of view. Remember the time when you were also ten years old like her and you and your entire gang had planned to stay together in someone’s house. 

Remember how you had plans to play games with each other and have a lot of fun. How excited you had felt about the whole idea and how bad you would have felt if you had missed it! Those times with friends will not come back and you as a parent today will cherish those childhood memories forever. In the same way, see the situation from your ten year old’s perspective.

Develop Healthy Eating Habits From a Young Age

Make it a point to feed your child healthy food right from a young age. Give them fruits instead of chips and pizza. If your children eat healthy foods right from a young age, then it is likely that the habit will continue till adulthood. Food habits developed at a young age often stay on till later in life. If children get used to eating nutritious and healthy food right from a young age, they are more likely to eat well as adults too.

Have Family-Time!

Many fathers come home late at night, by which time their children are already in bed. Make it a point to have at least one meal together as a family. Basically, you should try and make it a point to do something together as a family. Set aside fifteen minutes every evening, when the entire family will together clean the house! Or, you can also play some board games five days a week together like ‘Monopoly’. This will help all of you to bond together as a family and will also help siblings become closer.

Try to Make Your Children Self-Reliant

Try to make your child independent and self-reliant. Do not do everything for your child as this will make them more and more dependent on you. Children should be given an opportunity to do simple tasks which can be done by them, without the parent doing it for them. Some parents do everything for their children which can cause problems later on in life. When children do things by themselves, they become self-reliant which in turn increases self-esteem. 

Also, avoid doing your child’s homework. Some parents do their child’s homework which is not right. You can guide your child and help them when they are doing homework, but do not do it for them.

Making your child do a little cleaning of the house, folding of clothes, and washing dishes, etc will help them to learn basic life skills which everybody needs to know.

These are some important parenting tips which can help parents during the journey of parenthood. At the end of the day, remember to be good role models for your child as parents are the biggest role models for children. Memories of parent-child relationship are special to every parent and child and these hold a special place in every parent and child’s heart!

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Parenting when Working Mothers

Tips for Working Mothers

Being a working mother is not easy. Resuming work after maternity leave is bound to be a very big change for both the new mom and the baby. Juggling work and managing a child at the same time requires a whole lot of planning and organising. To begin with you must start looking out for suitable child care arrangement at least a month or two before you resume work.

Tips for Resuming Work after Childbirth

1. Childcare Options

There are a number of childcare options which you can consider making use of depending upon whether these are available in your local area or not. You must also take into consideration your working hours before zeroing in on any of these points.

Creches - More and more working moms nowadays choose to leave their babies in creches. Many creches are professionally managed and equipped to look after children as young as six months old.

Baby Sitters or Maids - You can consider hiring a baby sitter or a maid to look after your child at home while you are away at work. In this type of arrangement you have the flexibility of fixing the working hours for the baby sitter or maid depending upon your own office hours. You can hire a full time live in baby sitter or a one for day care only.

Relative - Most parents prefer to leave their child under the care and supervision of a relative who is happy to look after their child. A relative is normally someone the child is familiar with and whom the parents trust completely.

2. Working from Home

Many a time new moms are unable to make up their minds and decide whether they want to be stay at home mom or a working mother. What most women do not realize is looking after a small child is by itself a full time job. It requires a lot of hard work and patience to deal with a toddler. Hence in terms of efforts required to be put in, both options of staying at home or working are almost the same.

Staying at home will become necessary in case of women who are not able to make safe child care arrangements for their baby.

Monetary consideration can also impact this decision. You have to factor in additional cost of childcare before ascertaining whether the salary you are earning is worth the effort or not. If childcare is an expensive proposition and your salary just about covers it, working from home may be the best option for you and your child.

How to Spend Quality Time with Your Child as a Working Parent?

Out of sheer guilt most working moms overdo at the home front. This is absolutely uncalled for since working is something you enjoy. Although there may be certain challenges initially your child is bound to get used to both her parents working. On your part you can do some of the following things to spend quality time with your child.

a) After returning from work and while being with your child completely focus your attention on the child. You may need to switch off your mobile phones and computers to give undivided attention to your little one at home.

 b) Make meal times family times and real special for your child. You can get the child to help you cook or set the table. Simple things like peeling potatoes or mixing pancake batter is something that small kids enjoy doing. Make sure to eat meals together at the dining table while chatting about the happenings of the day. Irrespective of whether your child is old enough to talk or understand it is important that she hears and shares food with you.

 c) Make weekends special by doing something which your child enjoys like swimming or visiting the zoo.

In this way you can deal with the challenges of being a working mother. However, as a working mother you must make sure that you are not compromising on your baby’s health, safety and development. 

Child Safety tips for Working Mothers

Dangers lurk everywhere and you may not know. As a parent you can make your child safe by ensuring his safety with proper safety measures. You can help him by being there and guiding him when the need arises. Teaching basic safety tips will be of great help to the child. Ensure your child's safety inside and outside the house with these handy tips.

Working mothers always worry about the safety of their child whilst they are at work.  There are some ways to make the home more accident proof so that the child is safer and the mothers are less distracted. Read on to know more about it.

Mothers will worry about even the safest children.  This worrying feeling seems to be built into her DNA.  You can never protect your children from EVERYTHING, but you would do well to take measures to protect them from certain foreseeable risks.

Safety Tips for Working Mothers of Younger Children

Have a quick look at some helpful tips for the safety of your children when you are not around.

Make you Home Baby Safe
For younger children you may be worried about injury.  Please ensure that your home is baby safe.  It is a good idea to put away breakable items left lying around the house.  Certain cupboards and all drawers should be locked.  There have been innumerable cases of wounded limbs and broken bones because of drawers being opened so violently that the entire drawer comes crashing down on baby's foot.  Do not leave purses and boxes lying around that contain small items that can be swallowed or are sharp or dangerous in any way.

Store the Harmful Products the Right Way
Check that your plants are harmless, non poisonous ones.  You may want to put rubber guards on the bath taps.  Keep household products like detergents, disinfectants and medicines locked up.  Even if your child is older, do pay special attention to window sills and have them barred if necessary.  Children should not be allowed to play with matches or near the gas stove.

Keep the Emergency Numbers Handy
The person looking after your child should, in addition to your numbers and your husband's numbers, also have the telephone numbers of your doctor, the nearest hospital, a neighbor and your closest relative or family friend.The above precautions will help your children, and the person whose charge they are in, to prevent some accident or unlucky calamity.  In the very least they may put your mind at ease and hopefully give you some measure of peace.

Safety Tips in Case if Child is Left with Maid

When child is alone at home with the maid working mothers may get worried when they come across horror stories about child abuse all the time.  Here are some of the tips which can help working mothers to protect their children from such issues

Teaching Basic Safety Measure to the Child
Children are trusting souls who are always being exhorted to be polite and respectful to strangers.  You must somehow teach your children to refrain from needlessly talking to strangers.  At such times they should not worry that they are being impolite or hurting a stranger's feelings.  Please let them know that bad people do not really look as obviously bad as the bad people in movies.  They must never accept candy or money from strangers.   Try to make them understand this without spooking them completely.

Similarly, they should never answer the door themselves whether or not they are alone at home.  They should never allow a stranger into the house nor accept an invitation from a stranger.  They should never go up to a stranger's car nor take rides from unknown people.  Do let them know the importance of screaming loudly when they sense danger.  Although it may be tempting to do so, they should not take short cuts to places unless you have expressly allowed them to do so.  You should teach them what not to say on the telephone, never divulging the fact that they are alone or the details of their address.  You should always carry up-to-date photographs of your children on you.

Teaching Child What You Mean by "Strangers"
You also have to make your child understand who you mean by "stranger".  He may be very familiar with a building watchman, neighbor or driver.  But that does not mean you would like these people entering your home in your absence.  Your child's caregiver must have strict instructions about opening doors and never leaving your child alone.

Helping Child to Speak Openly
For safety in the house, talk to you child about abuse, without putting thoughts into their heads.  Statistics show that the majority of abuse is perpetrated by care givers, not strangers.  You should encourage your children to confide in you.  Therefore, do not scold them if they admit to wrong doing or else they will not admit anything to you.

They must understand that there should be no secrets from mother, even those told by people left in charge once you have gone to work.  You may wish to consider installing security cameras in your home, if you can afford them. You may also be worried about safety on the internet.  Do monitor the sites visited by your child.  Discourage chatting with strangers on the net.  Keep your computer in a common room used by everyone and not in your child's bedroom.

Make it a point to know where your child is at all times.  Even small children should memories their mother's name and cell number.  Your children should know that they cannot leave the home or the school without your permission.

Tips for Breaking the Television Habit in Children 

It is clear that children cannot regulate their own TV time.  It is therefore up to the parents to regulate their children’s TV habits.  The following are suggestions to help wean your child off the TV.

• Find something better to do.  If not the television (or any of the electronic nannies) what else would your child most like to do?
   
• Reward reading.  Reading is an enjoyable past time.  It’s just that your child does not know it…Yet!

• Change yourself!  It is likely that you may have set an example by being very fond of the TV yourself.  Children tend to learn from us.

• Get your child involved with other hobbies.

• Avoid cosy corners for the placement of the TV set.  Place your TV in the living or dining room where everyone can partake of the programme that your child is watching.

• Negotiate limits for TV viewing per day.  Also, make it a fair mix between the entertainment channels and the infotainment channels.

You have now to undo all that you have encouraged in the past.  With a little bit of patience and perseverance, you will be able to convince your child to look elsewhere when he needs to keep himself entertained.

Parenting and Hectic Work Schedule

Children are like valuable treasure; they need to be taken care of. With both parents working, it is very difficult to find time out for the child. This affects the development of the child and it may also show in his behavior. Read on to know how you can increase the bonding time with your child by taking out time from your hectic schedule.

Your daughter and you have a lovely relationship.  You have great times together after you get back from work.  It is just that homework time is spent shouting at each other.  You want to get it over with and she does not want to do it at all.  You are thinking of getting in a tuition teacher to help her with homework. All working mothers feel if they are doing it right or not by getting a tuition teacher. Read on to find couple of solutions for this problem.

Very few children can possibly look forward to homework.  In addition, your daughter may also see her homework as impinging on time that can be spent doing something enjoyable – like hanging around with you.  In all likelihood, the shouting and unpleasantness must double the time taken to do the work making her resent it even more.

Find the Root Cause behind Shouting 

Examine why the shouting starts.  Are you being too strict or inflexible?  Is she avoiding doing it altogether or just postponing it?  Are there times in the day that she is more agreeable to finishing it?  Are there certain subjects she resents more than others?  If you can change the circumstances under which the homework is being done, you will be able to improve the situation.  Talk to your daughter when she is in a good mood.  Let her suggest ways in which homework can be done without any negativity.  Try out different tactics, making it fun or interesting.

Get a Tuition Teacher if You Cannot Manage 

If all else fails, you could consider getting yourself a teacher to come in and help her.  Agree between your daughter and yourself whether this should only be a short term measure.  Set yourselves a period after which you will review the need for the teacher.  There have been many instances of mother and child relationships blossoming once the homework – studies issue has been delegated to someone else.

What to Do When Both the Parents are Working Late?  

My husband is a restaurateur and I am a doctor.  We both work very long and odd hours.  Our careers are important to both of us.  Consequently, though we try to juggle our schedules, we really are not spending too much time at home.  Are we being terrible parents?

Your husband and you both need to understand this.  You can find great help and delegate the job of bringing up your children, but the final responsibility of bringing up healthy, happy children lies with you two. 

Make Sure that Children are Looked After 

Given that you are both not at home very much, you have to somehow ensure that your children are adequately looked after.  Presumably, you have marvelous help, who will wake your children, feed them, send them to school and all their classes, help them with their studies and problems, supervise their social schedules, brush their teeth and put them to bed.  And love them.  And encourage them when required; cheer them up when they are down.

Children can do remarkably well with very little attention from their parents.  However, the two of you are spending some time with them albeit after juggling your schedules.  Make an effort to make the little time that you spend with them count for something.  Ensure that they feel loved and wanted.

You could make the weekends special.  You can also take time off for a long annual holiday.  Do make timetables so that there is no confusion as to when your presence is needed. Very tight schedules lead to some amount of stress.  Do take care that this stress is not passed on to the children.

Spending Time with Children on Weekends

Spending time with children on weekends is the best stress reliever. It helps in connecting with the child and also is a great bonding time. Make the most of your weekends and holidays with our unique ideas and suggestions. Read on to know the ways of having a whale of time with your children.

Are you a working mother? Would you love to make the most of our weekends and holidays? Here are some suggestions just for you.

Children really look forward to the weekends and holidays so that they can be relaxed,  and can do whatever they like without a strict schedule. (Just like you!)  So do not give in to the temptation of filling these days with back to back activities.

Spending Weekends at Beaches or Hill Stations 

It is a wonderful idea to do weekend getaways to the beach or to a hill station near your town. New surroundings and new adventures are always good for children. When traveling, always carry something to eat and drink for your children as they are not likely to be very understanding about traffic and delays. You should also take your children’s favorite book or toy to immerse them in when they need to unwind or you need a break

Making Short Outings with Kids on Holidays 

Of course it is not possible to hit the highway every holiday. There is plenty to do even at home. If you want to head out, you can make a trip to the zoo, to the museum, to the garden, to an amusement park, to a water park, to a playground with all kinds of equipment. Children are excited to go anywhere.

Entertaining Children on Weekends 

Depending on your children’s interests, you can catch a show of some kind. There is the circus, dog shows, puppet shows, exhibitions of paintings, photograph and sculpture, cricket and football matches, plays and movies.

Playing Some Outdoor Sports with Children 

You do not even have to head out too far. You can take you children down to the compound or to the nearest open ground and teach them cycling and skating. If possible, you can go swimming. You can play hide and seek, catch, cricket or football with them and they will appreciate this forever. 

Telling Stories and Doing Craft Activities 

Even at home, you can tell stories to your child, paint pots, dance to music or simply horse around. You can bake a cake, plant a tree, make a house, have a tea party, do a puzzle and play a make believe game. You can sometimes call a friend over if that will make your child feel special. You can go for a drive or walk to the nearest ice cream store.

Discussing Life with Children 

Another great option of spending weekends is rather than going out just sit and talk at home and do nothing. This will refresh the mind and will also help in staying connected with your child. You will be aware of what’s going on in the daily life of your child.

As there is no work stress for parents on weekends, it is the best time to spend as much time as possible with the children. There are also some unique ways of spending the weekends with your children. Attending classes or parenting workshops on positive thinking or on stress busting is a great idea. These classes will be very useful in this cut throat world of competition. 

Time Management Tips for Working Mothers

You are an organized person at work.  But when you get home things tend to be chaotic.  In spite of your planning there always seem to be things to do at the last moment.  Here is how you can manage this well.

Analise your Schedule
You have to give yourself and your schedule a good, hard inspection.  What is it that is leading to such chaos?  Is it the children's schedules?  Is it the cooking?  Groceries?  You can simplify almost any complicated chore.  For instance, if you are doing groceries whilst rushing back from work, you are wasting your time.  For one, you do not need to go to the stores more than once a fortnight.  Two, reintroduce yourself to your phone, which can turn into your friend in need.  You can call for almost anything to be delivered to your door today, from salt to refrigerators.

There are mothers who even shop for birthday presents over the phone.  Three, welcome to e shopping.  Even if you ultimately purchase what you need by going to the store, a lot of your homework on available products and prices, even holiday planning, can be done on the net.

It would help to set out your priorities.  What do you want to be doing when you get home?  (Be realistic - a movie and spa just is not possible!)  What are the things that are important for you to do immediately?  What are the things that can wait until later, or another day?  Get the main things done.

Make a To Do List
Make a list.  Lists are wonderful things and can help you to simplify your life.  Make a daily list and a weekly list.  This can help you identify whether you can do more than one task together.  For instance, you can return library books on the way back from dropping your daughter to class.  You can sew the torn uniform while waiting for the milk to boil.  (Why are you boiling milk?  Do you feel strongly against processed milk?)

Avoid Switching the Television Set On
Do not switch on the television set.  Once it is on, it will be the biggest waste of your time!  Yes, you do need a break, but the television route takes up too much time and makes your brain shrivel.  You need your brain until the children are in bed.

Divide the Work Amongst Your Family Members
Get everyone involved.  Enlist the help of your kids to finish wherever they can help.  Give each person some responsibility and hold him accountable for it.  Match each job to the person.  If your husband is the sort who is raring to leave the house, you can send him out on an errand.  Your older child can peel vegetables whilst on the phone.  Your younger one can lay the table.  Ask for outside help in case you still need it.  You may also want to use the services of a part time maid to get through certain chores.

Tips for Reducing the Household Workload

When you get home from work, you find that most of my time is spent is spent in a blur of chores.  Your family never seem to get the time to enjoy yourselves.  Here is how you can spend a relaxed evening with the family by reducing your workload and get all the pending jobs done.

Try to Make your Kids Self Reliant
A good way to make together time more meaningful is to make your kids more self reliant.  This way, when you are together as a family, you are not running around doing things for everybody.  By doing everything for them you are making them shirk responsibility and increasing your work needlessly.  Ask yourself which of the things you are doing should correctly be done by them.  Sometimes mothers stay up till the wee hours finishing their children's projects.  This is clearly work that needs to be done by the child, who should be able also have to bear the consequences of work not done.

Assigns Simple Tasks to Your Kids
Even little ones can be expected to dress themselves, wear their shoes, comb their hair and eat their own meals.  These things may not be done as well as you can when you help them or as tidily.  But, leaving them to do these jobs will, over time, reap rich rewards... you will have more time on hand and they will learn to get things right.  You just need to take a deep breath and find that well of patience.

Start with Small Assignments
To begin with, start with the small jobs, moving on to the bigger chores only once you feel they are ready.  Give responsibilities to your children and hold them accountable for them.  The children too, feel a sense of importance knowing that they are being depended on.  Allow them to set their own goals.

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Single Parenting

Not only women but also men have to face lot of difficulties when unlikely they have to become a single parent due to death or loss of spouse. On one hand they have to themselves handle with the grief of loss and on the other hand there is a need to help child in handling the sorrow.
 

Support Kids to handle with Loss

Death of a loved one is like an emotional turmoil. Death of a parent means many added responsibilities on the single parent. A child has to deal with the loss with a strong mind and has come out of the grief which possible with parent’s support. Read on about the ways of helping a child deal with the loss of a dear one.

It is a very obvious situation of extreme grief that when one of the parents dies, the child suffers a huge loss. As you become a single parent, you need to become even more careful on how you deal with your own loss and at the same time help your child deal with the crises at such a tender age. It is a very difficult situation for children as their sense of security gets very badly affected. As you help the child in coping with the loss, you are helping him develop a skill that will benefit him in his later years as an adult as well.

You Need to Explain Death

 Have a quick look at how you can talk your child about death.

Make Child Understand What Death is Actually

The parent often feels that the child is too young to understand the concept of death, they are mentally too fragile. But in reality, children have a great deal of emotional strength and it is easier to help them understand difficult things from the objective point of view. They are curious about death and once you explain them the truth, they will be able to distinguish the imaginary from the reality. At the same time, you need to understand that your child is also feeling the pain, is in a mourning state and needs some time to grow out of it.

Make the Fact Clear

The younger the kid, the more easily will the child think in specific, concrete terms. So do not try to cloud his thoughts by saying that the “dear one” has “gone for a long trip” or is “into sleep”. It is very dangerous as the kid will expect the person to wake up or return. You might be required to repeatedly explain to him that the person is no longer there, and is dead. But stress the fact that he or she will remain forever in our fond memories. The more the kid asks questions like “will mom or dad come back?” be patient and controlled as you answer that he or she is no more and is dead.

Teach your Child to Accept the Reality                   

Kids can well find it difficult to associate death with everything. Explain that there are two facets of every living being, life and death. So try to retain your composure as you explain the facts to him and help them realize that death can happen to every living being around him, the pet doggy or the neighborhood uncle. Remember, your attitude will brush on to the kid and he will find himself in a better position to cope with the loss. 

Ways to Help Him Cope

Keep the following things in mind to help your child cope with death with and ease.

Be Calm, Silent and Patient

Make it a point to offer your calm and silent presence. The kid might give you an emotional stare or a comment; reinstate it by repeating and reciprocating the same. But, do not resort to meaningless phrases like “I know how you feel” because it is not really possible for anyone to “know” another person’s pain.

Try Stress Management Techniques

Always reassure the child that his feelings of grief, sadness, loneliness, fear and anxiety are normal. Every individual tries to vent out the negative feelings by some actions or behavior, you might come across some new behavior like tearing up magazines, newspapers, or punching cushions and pillows when alone. Allow them to do it and then offer compassion. Help him understand that it is all right to be angry but nothing should be done to harm others.

Go through workbooks and search for ways that help to cope up with such losses.

Divert Child’s Attention

Encourage the kid to participate in activities that are of interest to him. It can be anything from gardening, handicraft activities to writing, painting or reading. Help them make a memory book, pay their tribute to the deceased in their own way and participate in the rituals. They play a big role in the healing process.

As you spend time with your kid, you need to be very observant regarding his behavior. If you notice that they are just not able to cope with the loss, seek professional help immediately.

Single Parenting Tips for Widows

We know that motherhood is very challenging and for widows this becomes like a juggling act, juggling between parenting and fulfilling other responsibilities like managing the house. In such a scenario any help or guidance is welcome. Read on the parenting tips for widows that will help to sail smoothly through the twists and turns of life.

Widowed mothers face an immense amount of problems while raising a child. They have to play the role of and fulfill the duties of both, the mother and the father. In such a scenario, it often gets very frustrating and stressful for the mother. There is never enough time to do the things they want to and there is also the financial burden to deal with.

Sometimes it gets very hard to deal with the grief of losing a loved one and at the same time maintaining good parenting. There are also some special benefits of being a single mother despite the negative comments that one might hear about such a situation. Having complete responsibility of the child can be seen as a gift that not many people receive. Widowed mothers establish this special kind of understanding with their children which is not so easily seen in two parent families.

Parenting Tips for Widows

Coping with the loneliness that might come with being a widowed mother is a great challenge. Here are some tips to overcome the many obstacles and challenges a single mother might face.

Taking Help from Family Members

Mothers do not always have to ‘ride solo’, there is nothing wrong in asking for help from family members when the need arises. By using some of these single parenting tips for widows, life can surely be made easier. Of course, the extended family is always there to help but even for them, it would be hard to relate to what it feels like to be a widowed mother.

Networking with Single Mothers

Networking with other single mothers is an important step that every widowed mother should take to be able to talk to someone who truly understands their situation and feelings. It is not necessary that a widowed mother spend the rest of her life grieving over the loss of her spouse and fulfilling her parental responsibilities. It is important to give life beyond parenting, a chance.

Getting Involved in Hobbies

A single mother can still engage in all the hobbies and luxuries of life that she did before the birth of her child. It is of utmost importance that widowed mothers keep their interests alive. This not only gives them an opportunity to take their life beyond just their household and parenting duties but also helps cope with the stress that comes with taking care of twice the amount of responsibilities as in a two parent household.

Coping with Financial Stress

The financial stress that comes with being a widow raising children is another big challenge that is unsparing and exhausting to deal with.  Being a widowed mother is hard as to be able to provide for their children, they need to be completely self sufficient first. They have the added burden of providing for the house along with for the children since there is no one to share the responsibility with. 

In such a case it is important to utilize the resources that one has effectively and not to over spend on petty things. Children from a young age need to be taught the value of money. It is possible to provide the child with all the best facilities available with just a little intelligent money management. 

There are also many underlying issues that need to be dealt with; honing and nurturing the child’s self esteem so he or she does not feel any less special, keeping a check on the behavior of the child at home and in public as the disposition might be affected and making sure that as the child grows he or she understands your position, your situation to give you the respect you deserve. Although single parenting is difficult, there is no greater joy than raising a child and seeing him or her blossom.

Single Parenting Tips for Women

Death of spouse is a big blow for the woman whose world seems like turning upside down. The woman becomes a single parent to her child. Instead of wallowing in self pity and grief, this is the time to pick up the bits and pieces and start life afresh with a renewed strength and perspective. Here are some smart tips for single mom.

Under normal circumstances, people do not aspire to become a single parent. But the moment life takes away your spouse or partner and you are with a kid, you know that you have got to deal with this difficulty alone. Although this is a very tough time, you need to pick up the bits and pieces of your life and try to remain positive.

After all, you still have the option to grow up with your child and see life through his or her perspective and derive all the little pleasures that come with it. There is an innate adaptability in women and in such unfortunate circumstances; it comes across as a real strength.

When the mom is the sole breadwinner of the family, she has to take responsibility of raising children as well as look after their education and at the same time managing quality time for them.

Tips for Single Mothers

Here are a few tips that can help the single moms while rearing their children:

Prepare Yourself

When you are a single mom, you need to be organized from the very beginning. Since you are only person responsible for every thing, you must make sure that you have the time and resources to manage every single thing. Spending time with children is as important as going to work. So prepare yourself by becoming self reliant particularly by attaining financial independence. 

Accept Reality

It is highly unfortunate that you have lost your spouse, but you need to accept this stark reality. The earlier you do it, the better will the impact be in your later life and most importantly, for your kids. There are of certain social bindings that hinder the smooth functioning of a family run by a single mom.

But it is important to vehemently resist these pressures and carry out the responsibilities. Simply weeping will get you no where; you need to feel for the kids who have suffered a great loss. The sooner you accept the reality of loss; you will be mentally equipped to strive to ensure a good rearing to your kids.

Learn to be Adaptable

In a family the mother and a father have two distinct roles to play. They are extremely important for the psychological development of the child. The moment when you have to bring up the child on your own, you also need to realize the fact that the child is used to these distinct role play by the parents.

When the child loses his father, he misses that role play along with the person. Similarly, even if the kid was fortunate to spend time with his father, he happens to yearn for a father figure as he notices his peers having a fabulous relationship with their fathers. Here, the mother needs to adapt herself into role-playing so that the child feels that he can have both his mother and father from the same person.

As he grows into witnessing you accommodating and owning responsibilities single handed, they also learn self-discipline and grow to admire their mom like ever before.

Although it is definitely an unfortunate situation but it is true that a child growing up with a single mom, is likely to develop a far broader outlook and a sensitive human being. All these characteristics develop as they see their mom fighting with the loss and at the same time handling the responsibilities with elan.

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